The Cheat Code of a Father’s Life

The quiet space between breaths is where resilience takes root.

Hey, fellow travelers on this wild ride called life! If you're anything like me—a 40-something juggling a toddler, a few older, self-sufficient teens, a demanding IT career, a loving marriage, and, oh yeah, a book project, you know the feeling of being pulled in a million directions. Let’s be honest, the stress is real.

My days are a blur. It can go from software implementation to playing cars and stepping on blocks. And then, somewhere in between, I'm trying to write while also giving my wife time to work on her projects. The stress piles up, but I know I need to stay present.

This is where my sanity-saving tools kick in. Let’s call it my Mindfulness Toolkit (Dad-Edition).

Here are some tools I've found helpful:

• The Reset:

  • When chaos surrounds me, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and remind myself that no matter how rough it is at the moment, the moment is fleeting in the grand scheme of my life's joys. It’s not a cure-all, but it does help me navigate those intense moments, whether it's work demands or the noise and, let's face it, sometimes tantrums at home.

• Playtime Presence:

  • When I’m spending time with my son, I am fully engaged. My phone is put away, and there are no thoughts of work or story ideas. My time with him is dedicated to focusing on him. My older children are practically adults and require a different kind of time, but my toddler needs to know that at home, he is a priority in this fast-paced world I live in.

• “NO”:

  • Learning to say "no" has been a game-changer for me. I can't do everything, and that's okay. Protecting my time and energy is essential for my well-being and my family's. I've even learned to say "no" to my wife, although she might pout just like a child.

• God:

  • Above all things, I’ve learned that if I don’t take the time each day to focus solely on my relationship with God, then everything else falls apart. It might be in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning when my wife gets up for the gym, or during an extended shower. I find a time and place where I won’t be interrupted and focus on God and God alone.

Mindfulness isn't about achieving a state of perpetual zen for me. It's about finding moments of peace in the midst of the storm. It's about being kind to myself, recognizing my limits, and appreciating the small joys.

To all the dads, IT pros, husbands, authors, and anyone else trying to juggle a million things, you're not alone. Take a deep breath, find your center, and keep moving forward. We've got this!